‘Cause we’re the three best friends that anyone could have. We’re the three best friends that anyone could have.
And Paula, but I can’t find a picture.
Theme: Movies with Speedos.
Directed by William Asher,
Starring: Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, and Robert Cummings, with a ridiculous Vincent Price cameo
1963, 101 min.
“Oh, what does she see in old Beaver Puss anyway?”
Synopsis: Kids love beaches, singing, dancing, smooching, and wearing Speedos. But why?? That’s what The Professor is trying to learn, but he gets more than he bargained for when he gets caught up in a love triangle between Frankie and Delores. Oh boy! What’s a cool, digging, surf cat to do???
Heather: (After about five seconds) I love this movie.
Drew: I haven’t seen it before.
Heather: Me neither. This is as much as I’ve seen and I know I love it.
Aaron: The dollar tree is the best pace for treats.
Aaron: This might be my favorite surfing movie I’ve ever seen.
Scott: mhm. And we’ve seen Point Break.
Aaron: And Blue Crush. But I don’t know if it’s better than Blue Wednesday.
Whitney: I wish they’d bring back torpedo bras.
Drew: Torpedo bras are only good when they’re worn by sexy ladies shimmying.
Heather: No! They’re good under sweaters!
Aaron: This movie’s going to be hard to beat.
Luke: The sound effects! I can’t take them anymore.
Scott: I love that the conflict of the movie is that she has to choose between Frankie Avalon and this old professor. Oh no, which way is she gonna go? She could go either way!
Aaron: This movie is about how dumb girls are if you just tell them you love them.
Eber: Heather, you should have hair like her.
Luke: That hair looks like she was in a Naked Gun movie and an airplane just flew over her head.
Heather: One thing I like about this movie is that the girls are as horny as the boy.
Scott: Even more so. The boys are like, “I’d rather eat, I’d rather surf…”
Aaron: And one of the boys is like, “I’d rather study psychology and adolescents”
Drew: I’m kinda excited that this movie’s almost over.
Scott: Yeah I thought it should have been over 20 minutes ago.
Directed by George Butler and Robert Fiore
Starring Arnold Swarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno, and the horribly depressing Mike Katz
1977, 85 min.
“It’s as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I’m getting the feeling of coming at home, I’m getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it’s terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven.”
“Milk are for babies, when you get older you drink beer.”
Synopsis: Are you familiar with Governor Swartzenegger? I bet you know what a great politician and humanitarian he is, but I bet you didn’t know he used to be a pretty big actor!? And even before that, he was a world-famous body builder! It’s crazy who people will vote for these days. But this movie does more to show how he got the job than any of this other work does: he’s sneaky. Watch this documentary for a great early character study of one of the more powerful men in America.
Scott: This show’s going to be a freak show.
Aaron: This show’s gonna be, like, a speedo central show.
Drew: Those are the kind of muscles I want to have.
Heather: EW! No!
Drew: No, I want the kind of muscles that I can show off but don’t use.
Aaron: This guy’s a governor.
Scott: Yeah, he was my governor for a while.
Scott: Lou Ferrigno is deaf everybody. He was on “King of Queens.” He had a lot of good fun with Arthur, because he was kinda deaf too.
Heather: One thing about this is: not only do steroids make your penis shrink, but when you’re that big your penis is going to look so small anyway.
Scott: I saw this interview with Schwarzenegger when he was talking about that. He was talking about how you can’t work out your penis. Trying to explain the difference between an organ and a muscle.
Drew: I did this at the gym this week, except I only did it with 10 pounds.
Scott: I’m as good as watching movies as he is at lifting weights. And no one gives me any credit.
Luke: He speaks the language better then than he does now.
Scott: It’s probably brain damage.
Scott: Don’t you want to just stick your face in there and motor boat him?
Eber: That looks so gross.
Luke: Heather, would you leave me if all of a sudden I decided I wanted to look like them? And then in a year I did?
Heather: A Year??
Luke: Well, I’d take steroids.
Aaron: But Luke, steroids are expensive.
Luke: I could steal them from work. (He works in a mentally handicapped group home)
Scott: He was the Hulk, on “The Hulk” tv show.
Aaron: Now who’s this guy?
Scott: This is Lou Ferrigno. He was the Hulk on “The Hulk” tv show. (whispers) And he’s deaf.
(Nope, not a typo. Scott repeated this about 40 times through this movie)
Luke: His cans and can’t sound the same.
Aaron: They do. That’s how he won the governorship.
Scott: “We can’t fix the economy!”
Whitney: Was that “two more” or “tumor”?
All: It’s not a tumor!!
Whitney: (clapping and giggling)
Luke: (Pointing) His penis did get little! You could see the head of his penis through his speedo and it was like…this long. (one inch)
Aaron: Do steroids make people’s front teeth go apart, because all of these people have a gap in their front teeth.
Scott: Maybe it’s all the straining they do. It pushes their teeth apart.
Aaron: You can tell why Arnold keeps winning. He’s actually pretty good. And because he psychs out his competition.
Directed by John Boorman
Starring Sean Connery
1974, 105 min.
“I’m only an exterminator. I know nothing.”
Synopsis: I don’t know anything either. For those of you who have seen this sci-fi/fantasy experiment – I dare you to explain the plot to me. I double dog dare you. I didn’t think this one was necessarily bad, it just didn’t work with a big group of people. That’s ok! Two wins and a flop ain’t so bad! We’ll try again next week.
So, did you like Zardoz?:
Eber: (after three seconds) I think I’ve seen this movie before.
Luke: Is this Monty Python?
Eber: It’s like one of those movies that play in the afternoon when no one else is watching. That’s when I saw it.
Drew: This is the kind of movie that they play on Spike now.
Drew: This was AFTER 007??
Scott: uh huh. After FIVE of them.
Drew: I like how he was this big action star and he didn’t have a very good body.
Luke: You didn’t have to back then.
Whitney: He was more suave than anything.
Aaron: I think he has a nice body.
Heather: Yeah, he’s not so bad.
Aaron: And you have to remember this was before Pumping Iron.
Whitney: Yeah, this was before Pumping Iron changed everything.
Drew: But he has, like man boobs.
Luke: His body isn’t great, but he has me beat.
Drew: Yeah! (Realizing he was far to enthusiastic about this lat comment) oh…”Yeah, Luke, you have a really bad body.”
Luke: They’re like, “what will the future look like? 18th century buildings covered in plastic.”
Drew: You’re right, Whitney, it totally looks like a diaper.
Brittany: He should be wearing hot pants.
Heather: He looks like someone who should play a centaur.
Drew: I don’t like this movie.
Drew: His shirt’s so stupid
Luke: So this is the year 2230 right? So they’re only, like, 250 years old? I don’t think that’s long enough for them to forget how to get an erection.
Luke: We haven’t been doing the quotes afterward. Last time you said I didn’t like doing the quotes anymore, but that wasn’t totally true. Heather just made me self conscious because before we came she said that the quotes were like a joke-making cockfight.
Then drunk Luke goads Aaron into a time travel fight and I check out. Against all odds (awesome trailer, awesome title, awesome Sean Connery): not the best Three Best Friends Triple Feature pick.
Scott: I just want to point out that in a room full of heterosexual boys, there are boobs on screen and these guys (Aaron and Luke) are facing each other talking about time travel.
Heather: It started with swear words and ended with giggles.