Guy Maddin + Amanda Bynes = True Love

I’m at the Cinequest film festival in San Jose this week doing more reviews for filmthreat.com. If you want to read about some mediocre films, I have a couple up so far and you can click on the link. I’m a little film festival-ed-out this week. I’m not used to watching so many new films. Usually I stick to the time-honored classics (released by Criterion or that one film noir series, for example) and kind of soak in really really good cinema. Like, for example, before I got here I watched Brand Upon the Brain! directed by Guy Maddin and it was totally cool and even though it’s new someone (Michael Bay and Criterion) has already picked it out for me as a recent classic that I should see. None of this sifting through dog shit that I’ve come to realize is the film festival scene. 

I don’t want to sound ungrateful to Don or Film Threat. I’m always a little dramatic when it comes to the negative side of things. Truth is, this morning Scott and I woke up, flipped channels, ate free food at the press lounge, wrote a review, lounged some more, and so on. If this were my life, it would be totally rad. I would watch terrible movies all day for the rest of my life if it meant free drinks and hotel-provided robes. And most of the movies we’ve seen at the two festivals haven’t been awful. There have even been some really excellent movies. So there you have it.

But, anyway, I started out writing this post with the intention of talking about a movie we watched this morning called Sydney White (And the Seven Dorks). Nope. Not a Cinequest film. We caught this one on HBO and somehow watched the entire thing. How did this happen? With so many films to choose from, how did we stick with Amanda Bynes in a movie worse than Uptown Girls? (I’m kidding of course…nothing is worse than Uptown Girls.)

Scott thinks Amanda Bynes is hott:

amanda-bynesThis makes me feel bad. Kind of like when my friend Sean told his girlfriend Sheri that he thinks Condoleezza Rice is beautiful. (what the fuck?) 

condoleezza-rice-7

But despite her looks, Sydney overcomes all those popular college girls and becomes student body president! Hurray! My question is: who are the popular girls in college? I guess they’re supposed to be people in sororities, but I just don’t see that happening? And are we even aware of who the geeks are in college. I guess there’s the Quill and Sword people…but mostly they’re just people we see on campus that wear robes. It’s not like you ever get to know the people who aren’t in your immediate social circle. Do sororities really pick on funny-looking girls in clown makeup? Are you really allowed to hammer signs into the ground on school property? Why did they let that little retarded boy into the university?

These are just a few of the myriad questions Sydney White provokes. So go ahead and read the reviews about Cinequest and Sundance all you want. Just remember movies like Sydney White are the ones making it to HBO.

sydney_white_still

5 Comments

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5 responses to “Guy Maddin + Amanda Bynes = True Love

  1. heather

    When Luke and I were in the hotel for your wedding, we watched all of Bring It On: All or Nothing (Bring It On 3). On our honeymoon, we paid something like ten dollars to rent Mama Mia in our hotel room. When you’re on vacation, stuff like that seems not only justifiable, but even enjoyable. Kind of like when you’re at the dollar theatre watching a sexy action heroine punch a shark, or a teenage drama queen cry about her unfair life.

  2. brian

    i remember i was at lake tahoe once and couldnt talk anyone in to going to the theater to watch snakes on a plane (which i ended up never seeing). i think, during the week, i watched both jurrasic park and back to the future on tv.

    back to the future had all these facts at the bottom of the screen talking about how they came up with the time travel theory and how awesome it was. and i was like, ‘bs, the time travel in back to the future is the worst.’ but i think that’s when i realized just how racist back to the future is. i mean, basically it’s saying that rock n roll was invented by a white kid from the 80s rather than being stolen from african-american artists by elvis presley.

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  4. Suanne Rhorer

    I really love amanda bynes because she is the girl next door type. `,.;’

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  5. Ezekiel Guggemos

    Amanda Laura Bynes (born April 3, 1986)[1] is an American actress, singer, and fashion designer. Bynes appeared in several successful television series, such as All That and The Amanda Show, on Nickelodeon in the mid to late 1990s and early 2000s, and in 2002, she starred in the TV series, What I Like About You.,

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