Not being in school is depressing. I’ve been working towards various diplomas and degrees for eighteen years, and this six month break has not been the most rewarding of my life. Dog walking has been fun and I really like being with animals all day instead of people, but it doesn’t really give you very much time to better yourself intellectually. And my second job at the cafe (conveniently located inside a car dealership) kind of lets me read, but I usually only get about a paragraph finished between car salesmen wanting extra large breves and mechanics complaining about the ridiculous prices or the Coca-Cola that has been out for two weeks. Today my school of choice informed me I will not be attending. The rejection is a little hurtful, but I understand a lot of what goes on in these application processes is politics and convenience. What’s more distressing is thinking about not being in school, studying film, doing the things that are important to me.
It’s hard being self-motivated. I think after you learn basic study skills in college, graduate school is somewhat superfluous. Professors can guide you to things you might be really interested in, but more often than not they’re going to guide you to busy work having to do with things they’re really interested in. What grad school was good for – for me – was deadlines and guidelines for specific assignments and projects.
So, anyway, all this personal babble is leading me to a point…kind of. I’m trying to become a little more academically focused again, despite the fact that I probably won’t be going to school in the next year. I think that blogging can be a big help here. I never want to write something that no one is ever going to read. I’d like at least one person to acknowledge that some work went into whatever gets barfed onto a page…and the internet seems really good for that kind of ego-satisfying work. Even when the criticism is negative, it’s always good to know that people are paying attention.
In the future I hope to put a little more effort into all this film studies stuff. Maybe regain some of the passion two jobs and a thesis have sucked out of me.
I think this was just another effort to motivate myself.