A 24-Year Itch

A little trip down memory back-alley-trailer-park-Compton (where I spent a year of my childhood and which, subsequently, gives me mega-street cred):

I’m just as excited as everyone else about the new Batman movie. I can’t see it Friday because I’m lazy, Saturday because there’s an ANIMAL ATTACKING HUMANS MOVIE MARATHON, but I’ll for sure see it first thing Sunday morning. Hurray. But here’s the deal: the Joker? There are so many crazy villains to choose from and they have to choose the Joker to face for the four hundreth time?


...the silly nilly.

...the silly nilly.

Yeah yeah yeah. Heath Ledger is dead. How dare you deface his last role! etc.

All I’m saying is the reason Batman Begins was so rad was because they experimented with different villains, namely – my second favorite villain – Scarecrow. Using a villain that has already been done – and been done right – just seems a little boring to me.

So why not bring back a villain that has barely been done?

...the slut.

...the slut.

Poison Ivy has long been my favorite villain. Which makes absolutely no sense. When I was a kid I was always a big fan of male super-heroes, or girls who resembled male super-heroes. I spent my time pretending I was Bravestar and, for a month, the Tin Man. Rainbow Bright made an appearance…



...the stud.

...the stud.

...the softie.

...the softie.

...the cutie.

...the cutie.

…but none were so important to me as Batman, Robin, and Poison Ivy.

I’d like to pretend that the reason I liked her so much was because she was an environmentalist and a man-hater, but I think I just liked her because she had cool looking green eyes. I also liked her outfit because it reminded me of Peter Pan, another androgynous fictional character I loved.

The role has been attempted by Uma Thurman, but we all remember what a disaster that movie was. I say give Nicole Kidman another shot. She’s got the height and the legs and her previous Batman adventure was so incredibly lame I can’t even believe it. She’s cool. Because for every Days of Thunder there’s a Dogville. And a Dark Knight 2?

So, anyway, Poison Ivy is cool, but I never wanted to dress up as her. I hate tights.


...the idiot.

...the idiot.

This post was a part of Big Mike’s Movie Blog Batman blogathon:



Filed under Whitney

13 responses to “A 24-Year Itch

  1. You know you love tights. And balls.

    Also, you were one when you lived in Compton.

  2. I was two! That’s a rough neighborhood for a two year old! Trying saying “no” to crack when you can only say “yes”!

    (JK I could totally quote Shakespear by the time I was 2)

  3. And that’s Shakespeare with an “e”, bitch!

  4. They could have fun trotting out Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and Talia al Ghul all in one movie! On second thought, that might be too much for the fanboys to handle.

    I actually wrote something for Big Mike’s b-a-t about this on Tuesday:


  5. brian

    i thought you hated dogville
    and, i have a conspiracy about this new batman:
    heath ledger was murdered so that this new batman could be the biggest box office hit ever.

  6. I too would love to see Nicole Kidman as Poison Ivy but I just don’t think that Nolan would bring her back to the series. Catwoman? Hmm… maybe…

  7. I thought Michelle Fifer was an alright Catwoman. But you’re right about poison ivy, everyone else thinks she’s stupid and they’re probably mostly right.

    Brian – maybe he’s not really dead.

  8. Wasn’t she the villain in The Happening ???

  9. Oh please, please, please, can we have Talia in the next movie? And maybe Damien too? And more Liam Neeson (is not Ras al Ghul immortal)?

    But above all, please no Nicole Kidman.

  10. brian

    i’ve thought that too. my biggest hope is that his suicide was faked. so this movie will make a shitload of money and then they’ll give him an oscar. the oscar ceremony will be unbearable with everyone crying about a lost talent and blah blah blah. and then, after a video montage of all our favorite heath ledger moments, heath pops out from behind the curtain, grabs his ascar and says, “boy, hollywood sure is funny.”

  11. Graham – I’m telling you…Nicole Kidman is underrated in our biz (that of being critical -snobby- film students). She’s done so many awesome things. She’s a lot like Christian Bale, actually. She does one movie to keep her Hollywood lifestyle up and then one crazy movie to challenge people. I respect that.

    Brian – that was the best joke you’ve ever told, and you’ve told some good ones.

  12. Pingback: Batman Their Way « dear jesus

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