300 is an A-Plus, World-Class, Totally-Amazing Film

Of all the graphic novel adaptations to date, 300 is the most poetic and subtle.

Weighing in at a deserved $210,592,590 gross, 300 has kept delightful teenage fan boys entertained for hours. And with so much of the movie in slow motion, that’s pretty awesome.

Here are some things I love about 300:

5. Just about as right-wing as I like it. Just about. It would have been way better if they could have made those bad guys look just a little more Arabic. Some people just don’t quite catch that Persians are pretty much the same thing as Iraqis.

But at least they give each other back rubs. That’s cute.

4. That female character is so complex and well-developed. Like, she totally prostitutes herself to help her husband’s doomed war. I bet George wishes Laura would go to bat for him like that.

3. Aforementioned slow motion. I think it is approximately 85% of the film that is shot in slow motion. Play the whole thing at a regular speed, and remove all the shots we see from 23 angles, and 300 is actually 18.4 minutes long.

2. Muscles!!! I don’t even care at all that their stomachs are defined through makeup, those bods is hawt.

1. Fake British accents. How delightful. There’s nothing I love more.

I also really appreciate the fact that they cover up all those nasty parts we see way too much of in the graphic novel version of the narrative (peni. sick.) but we still get to see a lot of the hot parts (titties!).

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