YOU did this to ME!!!

Supposedly birth is a beautiful thing. I think that’s horseshit. I’ll go ahead and consent that a baby can sometimes be a beautiful thing (this is not one of those times.) But the actual birthing process? No way. I have been quoted as comparing childbirth to a process “just like menstruation with a big chunk in the middle. A big, squirming, screaming chunk.”

Birth has the abject makings of a good horror scene built right in, but it seems that filmmakers are often reluctant to include all the gory, nasty, squirming details.

newborn baby

So, in honor of the belated Mother’s Day, the upcoming Father’s Day, and my recent viewing of The Tin Drum, here is my Top Five Birth Scenes in Film.

5. Window Water Baby Moving (Stan Brakhage, 1962) – While potentially full of controversy and problems, this film captures the process of birth in a film that, as far as I know, had yet to be captured. Fragmented, silent, and poetic, the film seems to ruminate on Brakhage’s experience with the birth of his son, without really considering his wife’s experience. The poetic nature of the film chops up any pain or emotions that the mother might be having, and the frame always seems to capture the man’s intervention in the process (through the doctor’s or father’s hands). However, it is beautifully shot and thoughtfully edited. Brakhage claimed that he couldn’t have been present for the birth if it hadn’t been for camera, which put a barrier between him and what he was actually seeing.

Image Hosting

4. The Brood (David Cronenberg, 1979) – You know a mother really loves her child when she would do anything to keep the child with her, including sending her little midget brood to murder the kid.

the brood

And how have these little midgets come into being?

the brood

mmmmm. Placenta. Nola, as the “Queen Bee” births dozens of little cleft-lipped monsters by biting into a bloody placenta growing in an outside the body womb. The film as a whole is terrifying, but the final moments of the film, equating birth with monstrosity, are fantastic. For similar, disgusting and deformed birth imagery, you might want to check out Cronenberg’s The Fly.

3. The Miracle of Life (Mikael Agaton, 1996) – This was the film that people my age in Utah County school districts had to get permission slips from their parents to see. But compared to the two films already listed, this one is just not that graphic. What makes this film stand out is its stunning photography. A little made-for-tv-documentary feeling (because that’s exactly what it was), The Miracle of Life is still widely viewed and credited with showing us inside-the-womb images we had never seen before.

miracle of life

2. The Tin Drum (Volker Schlondorff, 1979) – The reason this scene captured my attention so much was because they film from the perspective of the baby, who is actually not much of a baby at all. In fact, the same child actor, David Bennent, played Oskar in every scene: from the womb to adulthood. It is more than a little creepy to see an 11-year-old kid bathing in a bowl of birthing fluids and gazing up at us calmly. The film adaptation of Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story also films the birth of a full-grown man, but with much more comedic effects.

tristram shandy womb

Apparently 1979 was a good year for births. Because in addition to The Brood and The Tin Drum, we got “Boy Meet’s World’s” Rider Strong and Dance! Workout with Barbie’s Jennifer Love Hewitt.

barbie jennifer love hewitt

1. Extremely Private Eros: Love Song 1974 (Kazuo Hara, 1974) – In this scene Miyuki Takeda, a former lover of Hara’s decides that she wants to deliver her baby all on her own. In the longest film birth I’ve ever seen, and without any stylistic camera choices (besides cutting occasionally, for, what seems to me, length reasons) Takeda pushes out her baby onto a pile of newspapers, explaining the process to the camera as she goes. Besides a friend who is respectfully keeping her distance, Takeda undergoes the whole process alone and naturally. Though not the more poetic of the birth scenes I have mentioned so far, this film seems to capture the female experience of birth more than any other I have come across.

So there you have it. The beauties of birth.

birth

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8 Comments

Filed under Top Five Lists, Whitney

8 responses to “YOU did this to ME!!!

  1. *Insert Joey Lawrence ‘WOAH’*

    First of all, that second baby looks like Abe Vigoda. Click on that link, people.

    I remember that one of the kids in my 7th grade class got caught playing with himself during the Miracle of Life video while this other girl took out her camera and started taking pictures of the screen. You couldn’t pay me enough money to teach middle school kids about sex.

    I very much like that I’ve seen four out of five of the films on your list. Guess I’ll have to go and get The Tin Drum from the library.

    This post is gross.

  2. Birth is a terrible idea, and in general I’m against it. Babies are dumb and loud, and destroy lives. But giving birth to full grown adults? Totally awesome!

    If I were making this list, I’d probably also include…

    Ace Ventura 2:

    and Gozu:

  3. brian

    i dont know if this is the same, but i saw that lake of fire documentary last fall and they showed an actual abortion.

  4. You should make a best abortion scene list. There’s this korean horror movie called Three Extremes where the lady has an abortion so she can eat the baby. It’s sort of like A Modest Proposal but Asian-style.

  5. props for most realistic birth scene goes to “children of men.” also degradation for worst ending ever.

  6. did you see the documentary called bodysong?
    i remember it giving birth.

  7. I didn’t see it. I looked back on my list and realized that three of them are documentaries. Fiction film just doesn’t seem to be able to get it right.

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