It’s 500 Bucks, Don’t Worry About It

I always forget how much I like Rocky. Not in an ironic way as the cut-out of Sly in our living room would suggest.

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Yes there are a lot of heartwarming scenes that have stuck in everyone’s mind as a cliche. But other than drinking raw eggs and including an annoying montage, I say that Stallone is a genius in disguise (why did you do that to his face, Lord?). The best part about Rocky is how long it takes for anything to actually happen. Most of the film is dialogue, and most of the dialogue is jumbled. Like, my favorite scene: Mickey comes to see Rocky in his apartment to ask if he can be Rock’s manager. Instead of getting right to the point so he can start training like crazy (like most sports movies would do) they spend about 15 minutes, talking about Rocky’s turtles (“the top one’s cuff, the other one’s link, the rest is marbles”) and letting Mickey flounder. Then there is the paragraph of dialogue that no one can understand as Rocky yells down the stairs (and it doesn’t matter. we get the point.) and then Rocky runs outside and from a long shot we see him put his arm around Mickey’s shoulder. That long shot erases any cheesy sentimentality, and seems to build respectability as we watch. I love it.

Plus, this line: “She ain’t retarded. She’s shy, ya know?”

And, yeah, they’ve killed it in the sequels, but that first time Rocky’s on TV and he says “I want to say something. Can I say something??…Yo, Adrienne!!” That’s hilarious.

I’m pretty sure that Jesus was/is a lot like The Italian Stallion. Minus the hat, plus a beard.

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