it’s sunday

so here’s my main problem with you, god.  why did you make it so hard for me to believe in you?  i mean you supposedly created all this and all us and want us to be happy and want us to return to you but then you engineer the world as well as creating me in such a way that it becomes impossible for to believe in you.  and the worst part is i want desperately to believe in you.  it’s not like i haven’t been trying my entire life.  and i have a harder time believing that you don’t exist.  you have the big bang and the expansion of the universe and the creation of stars and planets and the evolution of single-celled organisms into complex organisms and so on until there evolves a species capable of contemplating evolution and then i start existing and it’s all comes about by chance?  don’t get me wrong god, i think evolution is incredible and makes so much sense.  but i have a hard time believing that evolution would evolve something capable of understanding evolution.  what’s the point in that?  so do i have to adopt some kind of intelligent design theory?  the thought of that makes me physically ill.  what the fuck?  is this whole thing a joke?

maybe i need to rethink my understanding of probability.  i know it’s so improbable for a species to evolve with the brain capacity for understanding evolution.  but maybe it’s kind of like the lottery.  so in the lottery you have all these numbers with almost no chance of winning, but one of those numbers wins regardless of how small of a chance those numbers had of winning.  similarly, there are all these possible outcomes once life started on earth, each one as unlikely as the next.  but one of them had to happen.  so it seems so impossible but it’s just s impossible as any other state of affairs.


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One response to “it’s sunday

  1. whittyb

    I think that might be my main problem as well. Because since religion has even been practiced it seems that most gods want some sort of worship. They either want certain sacrifices made, or certain rituals performed, but they always want something from us. What kind of supreme being who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere would hide his presense from us and then demand that we worship him in such specific ways.

    I guess that’s why Buddhism becomes really beautiful to me. Or philosophy-religions that don’t claim the presense of a dangerous Devil-figure trying to damn us for eternity. Because maybe progression is the key and god respects progression in all it’s forms as long as it’s sincere?

    Should I keep ending comments and blogs with “I don’t know.” Or does that just seem so redundant?

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